When your friends are acting like grown-ups

all grown upHellooo, Tribelet of Mini-Women! Welcome back to the newly combined Wednesdays with Nancy and Tween You and Me blog. To answer the question that comes up a lot — no, Tween You and Me isn’t gone forever. This is the NEW Tween You and Me. Soon the banner will show that so nobody’s confused.

For the next several months we’ll be talking about Friendship Flubs and boys issues (as in, why are they absurd little creeps sometimes?) and the bullying we see and experience. If you want to submit  question for us to discuss, please do in your comment.

Last week we got into what to do if your friends don’t seem to give a hoot about what you say. Since then, OLIVIA told us that one friend she and her sister share just wants to talk about StarWars, and suddenly that’s all her sis can talk about too. ASHLYN ‘fessed up that sometimes SHE can be the friend who talks too much. Now that she knows that, she’s started asking people questions to make sure they get to do their fair share of the talking. ASHER says she tends to avoid talking about things her friends have really strong opinions about — and  aren’t going to change their minds on — so they don’t argue. That’s one of the things I like so much about this group: you all help each other.

Our  question for this week is this one:  what do you do when your friends are acting way older than they are, and you feel totally left out?acting grown-up

ASHER says she has definitely come across people who try to act grown-up, like swearing and telling inappropriate jokes. Anybody else had that experience?

    * Here’s the thing about that: using bad language and telling dirty jokes doesn’t make a person a grown-up. In fact, the more mature a person is, the LESS she cusses and tells stories that make everybody’s face turn red.

   * Can you change them? No. So what DO you do? When that starts happening, don’t make a big deal out of it. Just quietly walk away if you can. Never, ever laugh or join in just to feel like you belong. Seriously, is that where you WANT to belong? In the potty-mouth group?

HALLE BELLE says sometimes the girls in her PE class — girls older and her own CFFs — talk about things she doesn’t usually talk about EVER.  Anybody else been there?

   * Here’s the thing about that: choosing adult topics doesn’t make people adults. The more mature a person is, the better she knows what she knows. Does that make sense? The wisest people stick to what they actually understand. Pretending to be grown-up doesn’t make you that way.  

   * Can you change them? No. So what DO you do? If they aren’t necessarily your friends, just walk away if you can, or if you can’t, think about tacos. If they’re your CFFs, it’s okay to say something like, “Should we even be discussing this? I don’t think we know what we’re talking about.” You’ll probably find that someone else in the group feels the same way and is way grateful that you spoke up. If your friends look at you weird and go back to what they were saying, it might be time to scope out new friends. be authentic

EVE says she’s been struggling since sixth grade with her friends wanting to stand around and talk, while she still wants to run around and play. She wants to be a kid! Does that sound like you?

   *Here’s the thing about that: everybody matures at different rates. You wanting to play like the kid you are doesn’t make you immature.

   * Can you change them? No.  So what DO you do? Be who you are. Still, stick around once in a while to see what they’re talking about. You might find out you’re interested. 

MARYBETH says the hardest thing for her is that all her friends have iPhones and iPads and she doesn’t, so in their eyes she is “uncool.” They’ve stopped hanging out with her as much, which hurts. Have you felt her pain?

   * Here’s the thing about that: what you own SHOULDN’T determine who your friends are, but unfortunately not everybody sees it that way. They’re showing THEIR immaturity by making a cell phone and a tablet a requirement for friendship. 

   * Can you change them? No. So what DO you do? I’m pretty sure not EVERY kid your age has all that stuff. Maybe you can look around for people who DON’T have their faces glued to a tiny screen all the time. Perhaps you could have a no-tech party or sleepover and invite your friends to come without their devices — making sure you have some fun stuff planned to do. It won’t hurt to show them that cool things can happen even without texting and the Internet. keep it real

I hope that helps. I really do remember what it was like to be the last girl to get interested in boys — to still be wearing puffy sleeves when everybody else was dressing like a teenager — to secretly still enjoy my dolls when the other girls were falling in love with the Beatles (they were a rock group …) I didn’t know how to be anybody other than me, and somehow that just worked out.

I think that even though I didn’t know it, that was a God-thing. It can be for you too. In fact, it already is.  

What will we talk about next week? Drum roll, please: WHAT DO WE DO IF WE FIND OURSELVES GOSSIPING? A LOT?    If you ever struggle with that, tell us how. We’ll get WAY into that on Wednesday, January 27. Can’t wait!

Blessings, Nancy Rue

 

 

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36 thoughts on “When your friends are acting like grown-ups

  1. I can relate to Asher, Eve, and Marybeth! I guess that is part of the reason why we are all here, huh?
    The question I was going to submit was the question you gave us this week, Ms. Nancy! I’ve discovered that I gossip a lot lately, and I don’t even know it after I’ve done it until much later!
    I gossip a lot about a lot of little things. Though, I guess that to the person I have been gossiping about it is a lot. What Baby Steps can I take to help me stop gossiping?
    ILYGMFMW/T (I LOVE YOU, MY FELLOW, MINI-WOMEN/TRIBELET)

    Halle Belle ❤

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  2. I can relate to all of those! While my best friend who lives in Tampa while I live in Palm Bay, although we are far apart, when she comes to visit me, then we play Barbies and dolls and lots of fun kid stuff. Meanwhile I am being made fun of because I have to pay for a phone if I want one and I “only have an IPod” In my eyes, I am blessed to have an IPod because others can’t. I can often find myself getting into gossip when my friends talk about what terrible people do to them.

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  3. Miss Nancy, will you still post on Tuesdays and Thursdays, or just Wednesdays? :-/
    I can relate to MaryBeth, and Eve ( myself! :-D). And MaryBeth, most of the girl in my grade have iPhones, and I don’t. Thankfully, I have a CFF who doesn’t either. I don’t really have a problem with gossiping, (at least, i don’t think I do! 😉 ).

    Eve

    ILYGMFMW!!! ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

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    • I know exactly how that is Eve. It is so hard to just sit and listen. And sometimes I hang out with the boys at recess. Far more running. Then I also agreed with Marybeth. I do not have a phone and I want one so bad. So when kids bring it up I have a friend without a phone either. So we stick up for eachother. It is really hard though because at the end of the day all the kids pull out there phones and sometimes get them taken away for texting. SOMETIMES I even wish there was a way I could just text my friends. Finally I feel bad because I do gossip sometimes.There are some gross kids in the school and others start talking about them. It is hard to not comment to what they said. That is another reason why it is kind of good not to have a phone yet. So I am going to work on my gossip problem. Thanks girls God loves you.

      – meggiebear

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  4. I gossip with my family telling them about school with actions people do that annoys me or incidents that happen that I know my parents can help out such as if a friend of mine’s recently been or her grandparents are about to die. I don’t intend to but my parents always seem to help me when I say about an incident at school or an observation about someone and they can tell me not to worry about it.
    Is it good and is there a special name for what I’m doing like reporting is when speaking of an incident that adults need to know of 👭

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  5. Also, on 21 st January, I turned 13😀
    I’m not leaving yet though😊
    ILYGMFMW
    Medomfo
    P. S. I was called Hadassah on the old blog but on this one before Tween You And Me combined, I used my real name Medomfo which I will continue to use 😊

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  6. Happy 13 birthday Eve! We are thrilled that you were blessed with another birthday and day on earth! I hope your day was joyous! Please pray for me… I had All-county chorus practice ALL DAY Friday, so I was singing 7-8 hours non stop, and today I had the actual concert with all the middle schools in our area and my sister and I were both hand chosen for it. Unfortunately, I am EXHAUSTED! and I have barely slept, and have LOADS of homework, including a 4 project assignment, which is due Tuesday, and I am only on page 132 of 526! Pray that I can at least enjoy a sliver of my weekend and get this project and all the other homework done quickly and efficiently.

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  7. sorry i ws out for a while you guys , i was on vacation! i will pray for you kaylee…happy birthday eve!!!!!!!!!!!! i am 11 now, and do you guys know anne of green gables? well that was the theme of my birthday party and it was sooooooo much fun,,,i also talk to much to my freinds and cant stop, so now im trying to talk less and ask them if i am talking 2 much right then! and so i guess im like anne shirley in many ways..1) italk 2 much. 2) i have freckles 3) i have a busom freinds ( all of you! 🙂 ) any way i will pray for every body and i hope that we all grow in gods grace

    -sophia 🙂

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  8. When was Eve’s birthday?
    I commented on the 24th January that it was my 13th birthday on the 21st January and this blog was really meant for tweens not teens but I wanted to stay ♥

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  9. I’m sorry Mini Women that I haven’t posted for AGES! It has been a bit hectic around here, lately.
    And I’m sorry if I’m a bit late but happy birthday, Eve (and Sophia!)

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  10. My bff all of a sudden started acting more grown up and she wore different clothes. I asked her if she was ok and she said she was trying to act like a teenager. I felt kinda weird.

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  11. I’m kinda like the opposite of Ashley. I don’t TRY to act grown up, but I’m way farther in puberty than ANY of my friends and I hate it cause I can’t talk to them about ANYTHING!
    P.S. I’m brand new here soooo….

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    • Yes… I know TOTALLY what you mean… I’m not really far in puberty, but I’ve started and none of my friends started yet… well, some of my older friends that I’m not really friends with have, but they NEVER EVER want to talk about it. That’s the problem I have with the “YOU! A Christian Girl’s Guide to Growing Up” book, nobody wants to talk about puberty. Just boring stuff… anyhow, I’m getting sidetracked. What I was going to say is that my one and only sorta real friend hasn’t started puberty yet so I can’t talk to her about it. Plus, I don’t really have anyone I feel comfortable talking about puberty with. =(

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  12. I have some issues and I need help! I’m 5,0 and weigh 130 pounds and I’m only 12 I feel very overweight. My grandma keeps telling me that you lose the extra fat during puberty and that I will get a flat stomach and all by the time I’m 15 is this true? I’m very worried my mom doesn’t let me get in a diet. What do I do? Please help!

    ~Melissa

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    • You stick with us, Melissa, and we’ll walk you through this. Both your grandmother and your mom are right. As long as you eat healthy and cut down on the junk food and get good exercise, you’re going to be beautiful — just like you are now.

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  13. Hi, I’m Yemisi but u could call me Yemzy , I’m from Nigeria and I’m going to a boarding school I’m new nd its gonna take sometime for me to fit into this blog, hope u receive me joyfully.

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  14. I have a question I’d like to discuss. I’m homeschooled, but I go to a co-op, and there’s a group of girls there that pretend to be nice around the teachers, but they never play with the girls they don’t like. People often hear them say mean things about me and my friends. I don’t like it! What should I do?

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  15. Hi, my friends have hit the boyfriend stage and I am upset because I am left out of BFF convos because indon’t have one. 👿👎👿. I want to be included but I don’t want to break rules.

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    • Ah, Christina, I feel your pain. I was in that same place in 7th and 8th grades (MANY years ago!). Here’s what I discovered – and it’s still true today: every girl gets into the boyfriend thing at a different pace. (I was about two years “behind” a lot of other girls) The point is that whether you have a BF or not doesn’t say anything about you as a friend. If your “friends” don’t want to include you in a conversation because you are boy-less, they really don’t get friendship. You can try a couple of things. (1) Bring up other subjects, things you’re dying to talk about. If they join in, great. If not, that tells you something; (2) Ask them, in a fun way, if there’s anything else you guys can discuss besides who’s “going out” with whom (where are they going, anyway? and how are they getting there?) That doesn’t mean put them down for enjoying guys. It does mean let them know there ARE other things to talk about as well. If they aren’t open to anything else but the boy topic, it might be time to explore some other friend options. Who’s interested in the same things you are? Sports? Art? Music? Reading? Trust me, not all girls your age are nuts about the male of the species. If you still think they’re absurd little creeps, that’s perfectly okay, although I wouldn’t express that to your boy crazy friends! Nancy.

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  16. Hello Mini Women!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I’m really, really sorry that I haven’t said a thing since like February . . .
    Mrs. Nancy, I’ve just finished reading the Mean Girl Makeover series and I LOVE IT TO BITS! Both Ana (my big sister) and I want to get more of you books, like the Lily or Sophie series.

    Sometimes I feel like the ‘Ugly Duckling’ because I don’t have the same things other girls have like a phone and I don’t want to have to feel like that!
    – Adie

    PS: WELCOME and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to everyone that is new or having a birthday!

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