Hellooooo, Tribelet, and welcome to Wednesday Afternoon! Yikes, it won’t be long before we’re calling this After School Wednesdays again. I’m thinking the topic we’re talking about right now is coming right on time. Let’s get our relationships with our moms in good shape before the homework and the lessons and the activities and the more-people-in-your-face things crop up again, yes?
Before we do that, though, I want to make sure you all know how many points you have as you move toward a Skype or phone session with me. You’ll have a chance to add more with this week’s challenge, so let’s see where you are now:
NIMI 15 HALLE BELLE 50 EVE 35 ANA’S TRIBELET 35
THE LITTLEFLOWER 12 KAYLEE 47 MEDOMFO 47 ALYSSA 5 LARISSA 5 CAITLIN 5 ANNELIE 5 MEGGIEBEAR 7 KEILAH 5
If you think I have your total wrong please email me and we’ll get you straightened out. Remember, too, that this isn’t a competition. It’s just motivation for you to put into practice the things we talk about here, about respecting the dignity of every human being, especially when it comes to the issue of bullying.
Now — how to earn more points and make your mom your ally at the same time.
In your GREAT comments on last week’s post, you shared where you are on the Mom Relationship scale. Some of you are blessed enough to have 4 and 4.3 and 4.5 friendships with your mothers. Awesome. I pray a lot that every mini-woman can have that. I did with my daughter (who, as you can see, is totally grown up now and is still my CFF), but I didn’t with my own mom. I know both ends of the scale, just like MELLE does.
We also had some 2s, and that’s hard. Nobody who reported being there with their moms said that was okay with them. As someone put it, “I’m sad to type a 2.” Who doesn’t want to feel comfortable talking with that important woman in your life about: what’s troubling you; puberty (which is often what’s troubling you!); what you’ve done wrong; when you’ve disobeyed; the boys you like; what worries you; who puts you down; what bothers you about HER?
Okay, so nobody’s relationship with Mama is perfect. Even those of you who reported up in the 4 range said it’s hard to talk about things like her treating you younger than you are. And of course there are some things you only want to share with God.
The one thing I can say that I hope will help you no matter where you are with your mom is this: IT’S IMPORTANT TO KNOW SHE’S ON YOUR SIDE . These things I know are true:
* Your mom wants the best for you. Both the great things she does for you and the mistakes she makes with you come from that same place. Maybe she does treat you like you’re about two years younger than you are, and I’d be willing to bet that’s because she wants to keep you young and innocent so you won’t get hurt. Sometimes that’s a good thing; sometimes it isn’t. But nothing she does comes from a place of, “You know, I’m sick of this kid. I wish she’d quit bothering me.” I mean, seriously?
* Your mom loves you no matter what you do. It may not SEEM that way when she’s just yelled at you for talking back to her, but she does NOT turn to your dad when you’re out of the room and say, “If she doesn’t shape up, I’m going to stop loving her.” Can you even imagine that?
* Your mom may be a little scared right now. It’s been my experience that when moms are hard to talk to about puberty or boys or some new freedom you want, it’s because they’re terrified that you’re growing up. This is a big ol’ scary world sometimes and the thought of you going from that sweet baby girlfriend you used to be to the mini-woman you are and the young woman you’re becoming makes her feel a little out of control. So she tightens up. She shuts down. She probably wants an open relationship just like you do, but especially if you’re her oldest girl, she might not know how to let go a little.
* You have to obey and respect her because, well, she’s your mom. It wouldn’t be a good idea to go to her and say, “Nancy Rue says you’re scared to let me grow up. Would you just chill? I’m fine!” First of all, no! And second of all, it isn’t your job to tell your mom who to be. But …
* You can let her know what kind of relationship you’d like to have. Not by saying, “Mom, I want you to listen to everything I tell you and not get mad or brush me off or tell me I’m being ridiculous. I want you to treat me like I’m 12 even though I’m 10. And could you stop asking me every ten minutes if I’ve cleaned up my room?” Do it by starting small and treating her the same way you want her to treat you. Because YOU are the only person you can change.
Isn’t that what we always say about kids who are mean? We may not be able to change their behavior but we can change ours, and often the meanness stops. If it works with THEM, why not with your mom who is NOT mean, who loves you, who wants a great relationship as much as you do. A relationship that will you help you cope with anything you have to face.
Here’s your challenge: If you want to earn 5 points, choose one small thing you want your mom to do for YOU and do it for HER. It could be:
*understanding — “I think I know why you’re mad, mom.” “I get why you’re upset about that.”
* helping — “You seem stressed today, Mom. Want me to fold the laundry?”
* listening — Rather than sighing or letting your eyes glaze over when she’s talking to you
* laughing – okay, so that joke she told was corny, but would it kill you to at least smile?
*enjoying — if she’s singing in the kitchen, go join her; if she’s going to run errands ask if you can go with, and share those M&Ms you’ve been hoarding; if she’s excited about her tomato plants, help her bring in the mini-harvest and squeal with her
What do you want Mom to do for you? Do it for her. Then share it with us. As a mom, I can’t WAIT to hear!!!
Helloooo, Tribelet, and welcome to Wednesdays With Nancy, where we’re all about respecting the dignity of every human being. A lot of the time that comes down to putting a stop to bullying — but more than that it means being our best selves. To. Every. One.
Even sisters. Even brothers. Even people who don’t seem to have a whole lot of respect for US. Even boys.
SPEAKING of the opposite gender, MEDOMFO, ALYSSA, EVE, KAYLEE and NIMI were all inspired by the video about the group of, yes, boys, who didn’t just stand up for a kid who was being bullied. They made him part of their group. Almost all of you said, “Who knew boys could actually be kind?”
You, of course, are all working on your respecting skills, and I hope you’ll let us know when you’ve met your “stop gossiping” challenge. I know MEGGIE BEAR, KAYLEE, KEILAH, EVEN, ADIE, ANA and HALLE BELLE are still working on that. If you missed that challenge, just click here and you can catch up.
While we’re on the subject of meeting challenges, one of you has reached 50 points!!! Congrats HALLE BELLE! She added 5 points by standing up for her cousin with Down Syndrome and that took her to 50. email me Halle Belle and we’ll set up your Skype or phone call. You’ve worked hard and made a difference in other people’s lives. That’s what we’re talkin’ about.
One of the things I love about our Wednesday community is that we’re here for each other. I do want to say two things on that topic, though:
(1) Since this blog is about a particular thing, let’s limit our comments to the challenge or whatever is in red in the post. If you’d like to ask for prayer or keep us posted on your health, you are more than welcome to do that on the Tween You and Me blog, which I think all of you are familiar with.
(2) We talk a lot about having grown-ups to help us with these really hard things we’re trying to do, but we might be missing a person who is ALWAYS there.
I got this idea from our wonderful Elder Melle’s six-year-old daughter. Remember her from the picture of the Mini-Tribelet a couple of posts ago? The two of them were talking about feelings (what a great mom MELLE is!) and here’s what happened, in Melle’s words:
“I mentioned how I am so glad that we can talk about these things, because I couldn’t do that with my mom. She immediately said, ‘Yeah, I think we’re special like that, like I can even tell you when I don’t like you very much and you are okay with it if I’m just reporting. You should do that with SO not Okay. You and Nancy could teach kids how to talk talk to parents about their feelings.’ She requested that I email you.”
She is right ON, isn’t she? What we’re trying to do here on So Not Okay is really hard sometimes, and even with all the things we offer on the webpage and the books and our blog, the Tribelet Elders aren’t in your house, available to you in the middle of the night or before you go to sleep or at four o’clock in the afternoon when you’re having a meltdown because somebody’s being mean.
You mom IS there.
The trouble with that is that this is also the time in your life when you’re probably pulling away from your mom a little in healthy ways. That’s normal. But it can make it tough to turn to her when you do need her. And you do.
So let’s spend a couple of Wednesdays talking about how you can make your mom your ally in this hard stuff of respecting the dignity of difficult people. Sound good?
There will be new challenges for earning points, but for this week, why don’t we see where you are.
(1) On a scale of one to five, with 5 being “really close” and 1 being “we barely speak”, what is your relationship with your mom like?
(2) Then, if you want to, tell us more about the things you can and can’t talk about with Mom. This isn’t an invitation to parent-bashing. It’s more like, “this is good — and I wish this was better.” Then maybe I can help you get where you want to be.
And let’s hear a big old thank you to our Mini-Mascot!
Blessings, Nancy Rue
Helloooo, Tribelet! Welcome to Wednesdays with Nancy, where we talk not only about bullying and what to do about it, but also about how to respect the dignity every human being. I’m thinking Miss Melle’s newest piece of artwork for the So Not Okay movement says it all, doesn’t it? I totally want that on a t-shirt. Hmmmm … a thought.
You’re on your way to doing that respecting thing — especially these Tribelet Members who are taking last week’s challenge to try the suggestions:
KAYLEE, KEILAH, ANA, ADIE, THELITTLEFLOWER, HALLE BELLE, EVE with their siblings
MEDOMFO with her classmates
HALLE BELLE also with a friend
If you want to earn your 5 points, be sure to comment on how it turned out — whether you felt a change (in you OR that person) or not. It doesn’t have to “work”. You just need to try. That’s all any of us can do.
That’s what a group of boys (yes — I said boys …) did when they saw a kid in their class — who was “difficult” — being bullied. While we’re waiting for you to post the results of last week’s challenge, I thought you’d like seeing how it turned out for them.
Just click here to see the video. Then tell us if it inspired YOU to do the same for that difficult person in your life. Will you answer this question HONESTLY? Do you think you could do what they did — or would it be way too hard? It’s okay to say “too hard.” Then we’ll know where we need to go next, right?
Thanks for being who you are.
Blessings, Nancy Rue, the Eldest of the Elders!
Hello Tribelet! I just wanted to let you all know that I FINALLY updated the Code, Pledge Cards, and Code cards to make them look more like our awesome JTT site, and easier (hopefully) for you to print. You can find them here! Thanks so much for all of your feedback! Please know that your voices are heard. Love and Light- Elder Melle