Hey Tribelet of Mini-Women! Welcome to our newest series, “Putting Together the Boy Puzzle.”This might seem like a strange topic for tweens — since most of you are between the ages of 8 and 12 — but it’s so not. Seriously, who can drive you nuttier than an absurd little boy creature — if you’re 8, 9 or maybe 10 – or be more mysterious and both good and bad at the same time when you’re 11 or 12? If you’re 13 and still here, we’re glad to have you; just know that we’re not going to be talking about actually “going out.” Mostly we’ll focus on the kinds of questions you asked in your comments this week:
• What do you do if you don’t know whether a boy likes you because everybody else has a different opinion and HE is sure not going to tell you! MEGGIEBEAR
• All the girls have crushes on guys but literally all the guys don’t feel the same way. Why is that? ASHLYN
• How can you fix it when friends peer-pressure you into telling a boy you like him and then the boy doesn’t even want to be friends with you? ASHLYN
• How CAN you be friends with a boy without him — and everybody else — thinking you have a crush on him? And everybody else! MARYBETH, ASHER
• How can I stop being so shy around boys! MARYBETH
If you have boy-questions besides those, absolutely post them in a comment this week!
Before we can actually get to those questions, it might be a good idea to talk about what’s going on with boys around age 11 and 12. Never having BEEN a boy, and only raising a girl, I can only go by what I’ve observed, and by what tween boys themselves have told me (THOSE were bizarre conversations!) Here are a few points that might help you understand ALBCs (“Absurd Little Boy Creatures”)
1. They have feelings but they don’t show them the way girls do. When we’re upset we cry, whine, cry again, wail to our friends, cry some more. When they’re upset they just get angry. Some throw things. Some punch stuff. Some shut down. You’re not going to see them running to the boys’ bathroom crying. Not happening. So if you’re expecting them to be all misty-eyed and tell you how much they like you, forget about it. If that’s gonna ever take place, it won’t be for a while, and you’ve got plenty of time.
2. God made it so that girls mature faster than boys (have you noticed?) Seriously, the two halves of your brain will grow together when you’re 17 or 18. Theirs won’t until they’re — wait for it — about 25. That’s why they’re still thinking burping and making that disgusting noise with their arm pits is hilarious when you’re wanting to have a relationship.
3. Which doesn’t mean they’re not interested in girls. They are. They find you fascinating because you’re changing and are no longer just soft boys. And frankly, it scares them to death – they don’t know what to do with you, and males really freak out when they don’t know what to do. It’s a whole guy thing. So what DO they do? They snap your bra. Point and laugh if you make a mistake in class. Make up stupid nicknames for you. Shove each other into you. And a number of other little special things just for you. Sometimes that’s because they like you. Sometimes that’s because they’re immature little mammals. Don’t try to figure it out.
4. Some of them are at least mature enough to carry on a conversation with a girl or enjoy playing a video game with her. But the problem is, if they act too interested — you know, like a normal human being does with a friend — their pals can’t handle it. That’s when you get all the “Ooooh, you guys are in loooooove!’ and the kissing noises. What else is the poor kid supposed to do but go, “Shut UP!” and ever after act like that girl is invisible? Here’s the deal: guys have to have their pack . If they leave the pack to get to know a girl they risking being abandoned by the other members who are secretly jealous because no girls are paying attention to THEM and are scared of being the only one left. Change freaks boys out even more than it does girls.
5. There is the occasional tween boy who thinks he’s Romeo. He “likes” a different girl every week and changes “girlfriends” more often than he changes his t-shirt. It’s a game to him, and somehow he can pull it off with the other guys. Who knows how. The problem with him is that some of those girls take him seriously and get their hearts broken. If he “likes” one girl and then starts passing notes to her BFF, there goes a friendship. Too bad he’s such a cutie, right?
So does that mean you have to wait until they’re fifteen or sixteen before you can even be friends with one? Absolutely not, and we’ll start getting into that next week. For now, it’s just important to start understanding where the ALCBs are coming from so you don’t embarrass yourself.
If you want to comment, tell us if you’ve ever made one of these innocent boy mistakes because you didn’t know what goes on inside an ALCB.
a. You told a boy you liked him — and you didn’t get the reaction you wanted
b. You told somebody you had a crush on a boy and the word spread like the chicken pox
c. You told a boy (who you maybe thought was a friend) that you were upset about something and he got all weird and you felt stupid
d. You went up to a boy you had a conversation with the day before when he was alone, only this time he’s with his friend-pack and he blows you off.
e. Any other embarrassing situation involving the tween male of the species.
Just remember as we piece together what we can of the boy puzzle that God (a) made boys and loves them too (yes, he is a patient God) and (b) arranged it so that they’d grow up at different rate (as hard as that makes it for us). God knows what God is doing. Boys on the other hand …. let’s pray for them!
Have I mentioned lately that I’m crazy about all of you? I am. You rock my world all the time, I think you feel the same way about each other. You show that every time you comment that you’re praying for each other, or you help somebody out like you did this week when ABI wasn’t sure what “influence” meant. You are CFFs (Close Friends Forever) in God. It doesn’t get much better than that.
Sometimes friendships don’t work out that well. Take this week’s question, for example. What do you do if a friend is a bad influence on you, as in ASHER’s drawing above (isn’t she great?) Several of you said you’ve had that happen:
ASHLYN says that sums up her whole junior high experience, but especially with on BFF who doesn’t share her faith and curses and scoffs (good word) when Ashlyn mentions Jesus. She could just walk away from this friend and stick with her other CFFs, but she’s really sensitive and might be hurt.
ASHER shares that her bad-influence friend drained her and wouldn’t listen when she tried to talk about about the struggles she was having.
GRACE really feels bad because she and her BFF exclude her sister when the BFF is over, which she never does when she’s with anybody else — sis is always included. Her mom brought it to her attention …
What do you do about that?
1. ASHER says she discussed it with her mom, and they decided it would be better for her to focus on other friends, but still be nice to that friend who brought her down. I totally agree. You don’t have hang out with people who make you unhappy, but you don’t have to deliberately make THEM unhappy by refusing to talk to them ever, or dissing them to everybody else, being hateful in general.
2. But what if that friend you feel like you have to give up is going to be super hurt, as in ASHLYN’s case? I think the video I’m about to link you to will help you there. You’ll need to have what Tribelet Elder Sarah and I call a “sit-down”, where you get serious with that person and explain exactly why you can’t be as close as you used to be. It might help to have a grown-up with you in case you find yourself floundering. Again, no need to be all, “I think you’re heinous and I don’t want to be your friend anymore.” If you’re kind, you could find that the person will see where she’s
gone wrong and actually change. Maybe.
3. How about if YOU are the one who’s messing things up? GRACE says she always includes her sister when her friends are around, except for that one BFF who influences her to treat sis like an outsider. The friend is the influence, but Grace is letting her sway her, and she’s responsible for her own behavior. Time for a sit-down with BFF, and since she IS a good friend it will be easy to come to an agreement — a pact not to make little sister feel left out. If BFF wants some time alone with Grace, they can plan things to do at HER house. It also sounds like Mom is on it, so she’s a good person to go to for advice — even if you don’t always like what you hear.
Many times the whole “bad influence” thing happens when your friends get to do and have things that you don’t. Have you ever been at a girl’s house and she turns on a movie you aren’t allowed to watch? AWK-ward. Seems like it would be easier to just sit through it and hope your parents don’t find out. Easier … but wrong.
In this week’s video, Tribelet Elder Sarah and I talk about that. So just click here and get some advice from someone who has SO been there.
If you want to make a comment this week (and Elder Melle showed me why some of your comments weren’t showing up, so everybody should be good to go), you can do two things:
(1) Tell us whether the thoughts in this post or the advice in the video helped you with the bad influence issue AND
(2) We’re about to get into :”Putting Together the Boy Puzzle” , so tell us everything that bothers you, confuses you, or makes you want to explode about those absurd little male creatures. They’re there — no getting around that — and there IS a Christian mini-woman way to deal with them — and even like them! See you next week!
Helloooo Tribelet of Mini-Women! Wednesday With Nancy is going to happen on Thursday this week — so just pretend tomorrow is today … or something .
Meanwhile — and don’t faint when you read this — I have sent out posters and buttons to all the Tribelet members I have mailing addresses for. I know, right?
* I’ve emailed these mini-women to have their moms or dads send me their addresses: ASHER, THIRZAH, KEILAH, MEGGIEBEAR, KAYLEE and WENDY. I’ve heard from some. You’ll each receive a packet when I hear from your moms/dads.
* I need for these mini-women to email ME at email@example.com because I don’t have your email addresses. Or just go ahead and ask your moms or dads to send me your mailing address from THEIR email account: MARYBETH, ABI, GRACE, ASHLYN, EM and SOFIA.
Helloooo, Tribelet of Mini-Women! Welcome back to Wednesdays with Nancy (which used to be known as Tween You and Me)
I usually give the advice around here, but when I asked for YOURS, I was SO impressed with your answers I’ve decided to do that more often.
Last week I invited you to help each other with the problem of other people talking about you behind your back. Here are the AWESOME tips you came up with:
ASHLYN: get some good CFF’s to talk it out to, and realize the friends who stick by you and understand you are the true friends, not the ones that use you and gossip about you. 😉
HALLE BELLE: My advice for my Tribelet would be writing in a TTGJ. (Talking To God Journal.) It helps me sort out all my thoughts. I can talk to God about what bothers me. I can also pray for those gossiping, and to help me to express the Fruits of the Spirit in all I do. In a TTGJ, you can share anything with God!
EVE: I think you can go to Mom, they always help!
GRACE: I think you should
1~ try to talk nicely about THEM, it might make you feel better
2~ sometimes when I’m just reading in my books in my room, I like to just say how I’m feeling to God.
ASHER: I love making lists, just like Lucy in Miss Nancy’s series. So my advice would be to make two lists – one list of things that make YOU special, even if people judge you for them. The next would be to make one about things you like about whoever gossips about you. I find that doing that helps you see the good in them even though they obviously aren’t nice to you
MEGGIEBEAR: It is really hard but my advice is don’t push in. Of they ignore you that is there problem. Just find something else to do. If they are ignoring you there is no problem with doing something else.
I learned some things from that myself!
Now let’s finish up our “everything you need to know when people talk bad about you” manual with a video from Tribelet Elder Paige and me. just click here!
If you still have questions about how to handle trash talk just let us know in a comment. Meanwhile let’s move on to the next question on YOUR list (HALLE BELLE, I’ve added yours)
What if a friend is a bad influence on you? If you’ve had any experience with that, will you share in a comment? Don’t answer the question yet. Let’s just get the problem out on the table so we can take a serious look at it.
Hello Tribelet of Mini-Women! Welcome back to our once-a-week blog that now combines Wednesdays With Nancy and Tween You and Me.
A special shout-out goes to EM from Australia who just joined us this week. We’re SO glad you’re here.
You’re all just in time to talk about our next topic: WHAT DO YOU DO IF OTHER PEOPLE ARE SAYING MEAN THINGS ABOUT YOU BEHIND YOUR BACK?
Unfortunately some of you have had that experience.
GRACE says she’s the subject of gossip sometimes because as she puts it, she is a little … plump. Sometimes kids, especially girls, talk about her because of it.
ASHER says she ignores it when it’s about her but once a clique started trash-talking and even cussing about her CFF (that’s Close Friend Forever here on our blog) so they went to the counselor and it got worked out.
MARYBETH shares that her sister’s friend didn’t like her (Mary Beth) at all a while back. She’d say really mean things about MB behind her back, and some of those things still sting.
THIRZAH tells us that her “friend” acts like she’s her friend when they’re together, but when Thirzah’s not around she spreads rumors and tells everyone THIRZAH is the gossip. And the worst part is, her friend is a Christian.
We have this awesome Triblet Elder video that gives some great info on what to do in these situations, but YouTube was giving us trouble this week so we weren’t able to link you to it. We will next time, but we didn’t think you’d want to wait for help.
So let’s do this. I actually got this idea from ASHER, who gave us two really great pieces of advice:
(1) Ignore it if you CAN. If you don’t make a big deal out of it, people will usually move on to something else
(2) If it’s really serious, go to a counselor or another adult you trust. And don’t accept “Oh, you girls and your drama. ” If you’re hurting, you need help. Find another grown-up.
(3) THIRZAH gave us this one: pray for the people who are talking trash about you. That might not stop it, but you won’t feel so angry; it’s hard to hate somebody you’re talking to God about
That’s such good advice that I thought the rest of you mini-women would like to think about the things you’ve learned here and offer some suggestions for what to do if you’re the brunt of trash talk.
Then next time you can all watch the video and you’ll have double the awesome advice. Are you in? If so, give one piece of advice for taking away that sting.