Let’s Try This Again!

Helloooo, Tribelet! This is the third post in our new digs. If you’re joining us for the first time, (or you’ve been a member for a while but you’re just joining After School Wednesdays in our new place) read last week’s post by CLICKING HERE and you’ll know exactly what to do. Welcome!

PRIZES are going out FRIDAY to HALLE BELLE AND EVE,  AND ANA AND MEDOMFO for joining our Tribelet here or forming their own. We’re talking posters and buttons … with WAY MORE TO COME!

Speaking of which, you might have missed last week’s CHALLENGE , so let’s try this again – what do you say?

First read last week’s post about what a Tribelet ISN’T. That will help you with the challenge.

Then –

As a Tribelet or a Tribelet-of-One, ask yourself what you would want someone to do for you if you were being bullied, left out, or ignored. One thing. Then DO THAT ONE THING for someone who is in that situation.

Once you’ve done it, report back here by NEXT WEDNESDAY, MAY 27, and you’ll receive 10 points. You only need 50 to win an after-school Skype date with me. (or a me-on-speaker-phone call if you don’t have Skype)

I think your REAL challenge might be that many of you are homeschooled so you don’t think you see people being bullied.

But I bet you do. Maybe this will help:

• When a new kid shows up in your Sunday school class or youth group and nobody talks to her … that’s a form of bullying.
• When your sisters and brothers treat each other worse than they would a perfect stranger … that’s a form of bullying, right in your own home.
• When girls in your co-op or church or neighborhood say really negative things about other people behind their backs …that’s a form of bullying.

 It doesn’t have to be kids throwing food at somebody or girls yelling mean things at a girl across the playground to qualify as bullying. Any time the dignity of another human being isn’t respect, that’s a form of bullying.

AND, if we don’t stop the small forms, they’ll turn into big forms.

SO – let’s try this challenge again. As a Tribelet or a Tribelet-of-One, ask yourself what you would want someone to do for you if you were being bullied, left out, or ignored. One thing. Then DO THAT ONE THING for someone who is in that situation.

Tell us about it by next Wednesday. And in the meantime, do any of you have any issues about bullying right now that you would like to bring to the Tribelet? If so, let us know what those are in a comment.

You are awesome women to want to be part of our Tribelet. Now olet’s go to work!

Blessings,

Nancy Rue, the Eldest of the Elders

What a Tribelet Isn’t

Sorry for the brief delay, Tribelet. I was in charge of posting for Nancy today, and my own little tribe distracted me. Here you go! – Elder Melle

Helloooo, Tribelet! Wow – the second post in our new digs. I like it.

If you’re joining us for the first time, let us know in a comment that says, “I’ in!” and you will automatically be a member of our Tribelet. You’ll want to go back to last week’s post and read it so you’ll know absolutely everything that’s going on.

If you’ve been a member of the After School Wednesday Tribelet for a while, please know that we’re going to be doing some brand new things here so it’s not going to be like, “Been there, done that,” for you. But since we may be getting some new members, I’m going to sprinkle in some repeat posts until we’re all caught up.

Here’s what’s happening so far:

• HALLE BELLE and her cousin are now a Tribelet. They get a free SO Not Okay poster and a button for each of them.
• EVE has FOUR GIRLS in her Tribelet, including herself. SHE gets a free SO Not Okay poster and a button for each member.
• ANA signed her pledge card. GO Ana!

I’ll be emailing you for mailing addresses from your parents so I can get those items out to you.

Anyone else? Even if you formed a Tribelet back at the beginning but didn’t get a poster or buttons, let me know in a comment right here so we can fix that!

In addition to being part of your own Tribelet with your friends or being a Tribelet of one, you are a member of OUR team, too. From time to time, you might comment here on the blog that you’re having a tough time dealing with something. The Tribelet Elders  can help you, for sure, but sometimes you  need the wisdom of girls your own age who were just where you are yesterday. Let’s start there today: do any of you have any issues about bullying right now that you would like to bring to the Tribelet? If so, let us know what those are in a comment.

For instance, MEDOMFO, you commented that you’ve had some experience with bullying. Is there anything going on right now we could help you with?

And, EVE, you mentioned that some of your Tribelet members may actually bully some themselves … Can you tell us more?

In fact, let’s begin there.

When the Tori’s Tribelet formed in So Not Okay (the first book in the Mean Girl Makeover trilogy), their mentor Lydia warned them:

“It’s not about power OVER, it’s about power TO. If you want to declare war, let it be on bullying itself, not on the bullies. You can’t turn into wolves yourselves or you won’t accomplish anything except to keep the whole thing going.”

Yeah, it’s just so tempting to get your Tribelet together and go in there and show those bullies what time it is now. Give them as good as they’re giving. Let them know who their Daddy is.

But that’s a temptation we have to resist, or we become bullies too.

What do we do? Here are some suggestions:

• Remember that you’re only going to feel good about “getting back at them” for a minute or two. Then you’re going to feel lame.
• The rule of thumb is to ask yourself what you want people to do for you. Then jump right in there and do it for them. It isn’t about what you do TO the bullies. It’s what you do FOR the victim.

For example, Tori and her Tribelet didn’t go after Kylie and her Wolf Pack. The first thing they did  — well, Tori did – was invite Ginger (the girl who was being bullied) to be in their project group because she didn’t have anybody to work with.

• Don’t expect that to stop the bullying immediately. Nothing does that. It’s a process. This is the first step.

CHALLENGE OF THE WEEK!!!!

As a Tribelet or a Tribelet-of-One, ask yourself what you would want someone to do for you if you were being bullied, left out, or ignored. One thing. Then DO THAT ONE THING for someone who is in that situation.

Once you’ve done it, report back here by NEXT WEDNESDAY, MAY 20, and you’ll receive 10 points. You only need 50 to win an after-school Skype date with me. (or a me-on-speaker-phone call if you don’t have Skype)

Onward, Tribelet – because meanness is SO Not Okay, and respecting the dignity of every human being is.

Blessings,

Nancy Rue

The Eldest of the Elders

The basis for today’s post is Matthew 7:12 “Here is the simple rule of thumb guide for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you, then grb the initiative and do it for them.” The Message, by Eugene Peterson.

Wednesday Afternoons With Nancy

Helloooo, Tribelet! How do you like our new digs? If you’re here, that means you’ve visited the new Join the Tribelet website where we hope you’ve found absolutely everything you need to help you with anything having to do with bullying – or even friendships that have gone wonky. If we’ve missed anything, please let us know in a comment right here on this blog.
If you’re joining us for the first time, let us know in a comment that says, “I’m in!” and you will automatically be a member of our Tribelet.
If you’ve been a member of the After School Wednesday Tribelet for a while, please know that we’re going to be doing some brand new things here so it’s not going to be like, “Been there, done that,” for you. But since we may be getting some new members, I’m going to sprinkle in some repeat posts until we’re all caught up.
Let’s start there today. This is the very first After School Wednesday blog post, from August 2014.
You don’t have to be the victim of bullying to join our So Not Okay Tribelet. You don’t even have to be dealing with meanness every day to be part of this — because here’s the deal: BULLYING IS EVERYONE’S PROBLEM.

All you have to do is CARE that a lot of kids are being teased and pushed around and controlled and made miserable every single day, and you can be part of the movement to stop it.
In this movement we’re trying to do these things:
* Make people aware that bullying is NOT okay, that it ISNT a “normal” part of growing up, and that it’s a huge problem. Like 160,000 thousand kids staying home from school every day because they’re afraid of the mean kids. That kind of huge.
* Help kids who bully figure out why they’re mean so they can stop.
* Help kids who are bullied find a way to take back the power to be themselves.
*Help the bystanders — the ones watching it happen — know what to do to help.
This campaign doesn’t just say, “Bullying is bad and it shouldn’t be happening!” It says, “These are some things you can actually DO to stop it!”
But nobody can do it alone. We’re more powerful when we work together. That’s why I encourage mini-women like you to form “Tribelets” just as Tori and her friends do in the book So Not Okay (and if you haven’t read it yet, why not?!)
A Tribelet is two or more girls who get together, download the instructions for “How To Form a Tribelet” found on the Join the Tribelet site and then join us here every Wednesday afternoon you can for group support and challenges so you can win prizes and make So Not Okay work where you are.
If you don’t have someone to do this with, WE will be your Tribelet and support you as you stand up to bullying instead of standing by. Once you start doing that, other people will stand up with you and you WILL have a Tribelet.
Here’s what to do:
1. If you haven’t already, visit the Join the Tribelet Website and download the Pledge card. Print it out (black and white is fine if you don’t have a color printer). Sign it. Then post a comment here to say, “I signed!” If you CAN, get a picture of you holding your pledge card and email it to me. Let’s see how many we can get right here on Tween You and Me.
2. Then download the tips for standing up to bullying and, if you want to form a Tribelet, the instructions for how to form one. Read it all.
3. Once you’ve formed your Tribelet, let us know here with a comment that tells how many people are in your group and why you’ve started one. WHEN YOU’VE MADE THAT COMMENT, I WILL EMAIL YOU FOR YOUR ADDRESS AND SEND YOU A POSTER FOR YOUR TRIBELET AND A BUTTON FOR EACH MEMBER.
(If you don’t have a Tribelet you can still be a part of this and I’ll send you a button. Just comment with why stopping bullying is so important to you.)
Once we get some people on board with the instructions above, I’ll give you your first challenge. These are ways to put the SO Not Okay techniques to work and when you meet them you can win things like a Skype session with me, a set of Code Cards on good card paper, a copy of one of the Mean Girl Makeover books — and more.
Your biggest prize, though, will be when you help someone who’s being bullied and he or she gets a big ol’ smile and walks with head held a little higher. That’s gonna be awesome.
So — let’s hear from you. Oh, and one more thing: you are ALWAYS welcome to share your stories of being bullied or seeing bullying or standing up to it. If you read other stuff on line that’s helpful, comment with the link. This is a safe place for you to SPEAK up, and that may be the first step in STANDING up.
Okay — the comment box is open!
Blessings,
Nancy Rue