When Your Friend Stops Talking to You … and Welcome Tween You and Me!

Hello Tribelet — and Mini-Women! If you read the post on Tween You and Me yesterday, you know that starting right now, we’re combining the two blogs into one … this one. I think all of you who have been on the Wednesday blog are also on Tween You and Me, so you know each other already. We can jump right in!

The only difference for you Wednesday girls is that we won’t be talking about bullying as much, although the issues with friendships and boys who are absurd little creeps is often mixed in with people being mean to other people.  We’ll still include the Join the Tribelet videos and you can ALL earn points for Skype sessions with me. (I’m scheduling those with Kaylee and with Ana and Adie right now)

To make sure everybody knows where we are, we’re answering the questions BOTH the Wednesday girls AND the Tween and Me girls have asked recently. If you want to submit a question, please do in your comment. If you want to see what questions have already been asked, just click here. Today we’re talking about what to do if your friend just stops talking to you.

Both KAYLEE and HALLE BELLE said they’ve had that happen. We probably all have, right? Feel free to comment if you have. What do we do about it? I have a couple of suggestions:

(1) It’s always good to look at ourselves first. Can you think of anything you did or said that might have upset your CFF (that’s Close Friend Forever)? If it’s clear to you, apologize right away and talk about how you can change that. If she hates it when you tease her about being tiny, maybe she could give you a signal when you do it so you can stop in your tracks. (She could tug on her earlobe, for instance. Hers, not yours!) 

(2) If you can’t think of anything, ask her. The truth is, she SHOULD have already told you, rather than just shutting you out. You’re not a mind reader,  for Pete’s sake! But sometimes people hesitate to say, “This bothers me,” because they’re afraid you’ll get mad, or they think deep down that it really isn’t that big a deal and they’re ashamed to admit it bugs them.  So be the brave friend and say ( to her, not someone else), “Have I done something to upset you?”

(3) If you’re fortunate, she’ll tell you.  Maybe she’ll be relieved. Maybe she was hoping you’d ask so she wouldn’t feel stupid. Maybe this is her way of making sure you really give a hoot. She’s wrong in the way she’s doing it, but that can be settled later. Now you just want to find out what’s going on and move forward.

(4) The problem is, she still might not tell you. The worst is if she says, “No, nothing’s wrong,” and then continues to give you the silent treatment. You feel like a crazy person! You’re not. So, you can (a) nudge her a little more, saying, “Seriously. You aren’t talking to me so something IS wrong. Tell me. I won’t be mad.” (b) or say, “Okay, but this isn’t how you and I are with each other. Just sayin’.”

(5) What should you NOT do?

* say, “Fine, then I guess we aren’t friends any more.”

* say, “If that’s the way you want it, come find me when you’re ready to talk. But I might have a new BFF by then.”

*talk to all your other friends about it and get into putting your silent friend down to anybody who will listen

  * throw a fit and say something you’ll be sorry for later, like, “You always do this! It’s so stupid! Why am I even friends with you?”

(6) If she won’t talk to you, tell her you’ll wait it out until she’s ready. Then go on being your wonderful self, praying for her and loving her in your heart. She may realize how much she misses you and come back — but make sure you get the thing resolved. Don’t just go on as if nothing happened.

(7) If she lets it go on too long, it’s time for new friends. That’s when it might be good to ask someone you trust if you do things that upset other people. That doesn’t mean the whole thing was your fault, but if it did involve something you did, you’ll want to know about it so the same thing doesn’t happen again. Usually, though, when somebody just clams up and shuts you out forever, that person probably isn’t someone you can trust. It’s sad, but it’s true.

If you want to comment this week, you can tell us one or both of these things: (1) Do YOU ever stop talking when you’re mad at somebody? (2) Since we’re going to talk next week about what to do when your friends talk about themselves a lot but don’t seem interested in YOU, share any experiences you’ve had with that.

Yes, it feels good to be together, doesn’t it?

Blessings, Nancy Rue, the Eldest of the Elders           

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