When Your Friend Stops Talking to You … and Welcome Tween You and Me!

girl modelHello Tribelet — and Mini-Women! If you read the post on Tween You and Me yesterday, you know that starting right now, we’re combining the two blogs into one … this one. I think all of you who have been on the Wednesday blog are also on Tween You and Me, so you know each other already. We can jump right in!

The only difference for you Wednesday girls is that we won’t be talking about bullying as much, although the issues with friendships and boys who are absurd little creeps is often mixed in with people being mean to other people.  We’ll still include the Join the Tribelet videos and you can ALL earn points for Skype sessions with me. (I’m scheduling those with Kaylee and with Ana and Adie right now)

To make sure everybody knows where we are, we’re answering the questions BOTH the Wednesday girls AND the Tween and Me girls have asked recently. If you want to submit a question, please do in your comment. If you want to see what questions have already been asked, just click here. Today we’re talking about what to do if your friend just stops talking to you.

Both KAYLEE and HALLE BELLE said they’ve had that happen. We probably all have, right? Feel free to comment if you have. What do we do about it? I have a couple of suggestions:

(1) It’s always good to look at ourselves first. Can you think of anything you did or said that might have upset your CFF (that’s Close Friend Forever)? If it’s clear to you, apologize right away and talk about how you can change that. If she hates it when you tease her about being tiny, maybe she could give you a signal when tugging on earlobeyou do it so you can stop in your tracks. (She could tug on her earlobe, for instance. Hers, not yours!) 

(2) If you can’t think of anything, ask her. The truth is, she SHOULD have already told you, rather than just shutting you out. You’re not a mind reader,  for Pete’s sake! mind readerBut sometimes people hesitate to say, “This bothers me,” because they’re afraid you’ll get mad, or they think deep down that it really isn’t that big a deal and they’re ashamed to admit it bugs them.  So be the brave friend and say ( to her, not someone else), “Have I done something to upset you?”

(3) If you’re fortunate, she’ll tell you.  Maybe she’ll be relieved. Maybe she was hoping you’d ask so she wouldn’t feel stupid. Maybe this is her way of making sure you really give a hoot. She’s wrong in the way she’s doing it, but that can be settled later. Now you just want to find out what’s going on and move forward.

(4) The problem is, she still might not tell you. The worst is if she says, “No, nothing’s wrong,” and then continues to give you the silent silencetreatment. You feel like a crazy person! You’re not. So, you can (a) nudge her a little more, saying, “Seriously. You aren’t talking to me so something IS wrong. Tell me. I won’t be mad.” (b) or say, “Okay, but this isn’t how you and I are with each other. Just sayin’.”

(5) What should you NOT do?

* say, “Fine, then I guess we aren’t friends any more.”

* say, “If that’s the way you want it, come find me when you’re ready to talk. But I might have a new BFF by then.”

*talk to all your other friends about it and get into putting your silent friend down to anybody who will listen

  * throw a fit and say something you’ll be sorry for later, like, “You always do this! It’s so tantrumstupid! Why am I even friends with you?”

(6) If she won’t talk to you, tell her you’ll wait it out until she’s ready. Then go on being your wonderful self, praying for her and loving her in your heart. She may realize how much she misses you and come back — but make sure you get the thing resolved. Don’t just go on as if nothing happened.

(7) If she lets it go on too long, it’s time for new friends. That’s when it might be good to ask someone you trust if you do things that upset other people. That doesn’t mean the whole thing was your fault, but if it did involve something you did, you’ll want to know about it so the same thing doesn’t happen again. Usually, though, when somebody just clams up and shuts you out forever, that person probably isn’t someone you can trust. It’s sad, but it’s true.

If you want to comment this week, you can tell us one or both of these things: (1) Do YOU ever stop talking when you’re mad at somebody? (2) Since we’re going to talk next week about what to do when your friends talk about themselves a lot but don’t seem interested in YOU, share any experiences you’ve had with that.

Yes, it feels good to be together, doesn’t it?

Blessings, Nancy Rue, the Eldest of the Elders           

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25 thoughts on “When Your Friend Stops Talking to You … and Welcome Tween You and Me!

  1. Definitely! I had a problem last year with my friends. They talked more to eachother than to me. And yes I also stop talking if I get mad. E
    Specially if it was hurtful.

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  2. I know I got upset when my CFF stopped talking to me which is making me stop and think that I shouldn’t do the same. People started spreading rumors about me today and I started ignoring them…
    1. Yes I do ignore people when I get upset
    2. My friend that is actually a Christ follower always interrupts me when I am talking by sharing experiences from a totally different subject or about the subject we are talking about. I have so many more stories that I might share later but this is the one that keeps occurring.
    3. My question that involves me right now is what do you do when two people, one you know and the other one you don’t, spread partially true rumors about what you’ve said about what others think of them. And then your friend and acquaintance/partial friend believe the rumors and get mad at you?
    I hope your day has been better than mine and that you are all as excited for the weekend as I am. Please pray for me and as hard as it is to ask, please also pray with me for the people spreading rumors about me.

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  3. Hello!
    1) I sometimes give one of my sister’s the silent treatment.:-o
    And 2) That really hasn’t happened to me, but I may do it myself :-/. I’m not quite sure though. :-/

    ILYGMFMW!!!! ❤ ❤ ❤
    Eve 😀 ❤

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  4. I’ll be praying for you, Kaylee. 🙂
    So…
    2) I haven’t really had this happen to me that I can think of…but if I can I’ll tell y’all!
    Praying for all! 😉
    ILYGMFT & ILYGMFMW

    Halle Belle ❤

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  5. My bff, Natalie, and I started being friends around 3rd grade. We talked every day, planned the perfect sleepovers, and talked about meeting each other on Webkinz, our favorite game at the time. But all of the sudden around 5th grade maybe, she started “dating” and she totally ditched me. On the bus she completely ignored me, shoved me on the inside, and kept me out of the conversations. We get along today, but things between us will never be the same as it used to be in 3rd grade.

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    • That sorta happened to me, but I’d say unless she asks you to hang out with her, I’d just not bother. Or you could tell her that if she keeps ignoring you you just won’t be friends anymore. Besides, the friends that don’t stick with you aren’t really real friends.

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  6. Me and my best friend go to the same church together and sometimes she brings this girl who doesn’t even go to the church we go to, to Friday night services, anyway I try really hard to be friends my best friends friend but she is really mean! And she tries to leave me out. I tried telling my best friend that but she just ignores me! Could you please write a post to help me with this??? Thanks! 😘

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    • that has happened to me too. Don’t freak. All you do is talk to your best friend when your best friend’s friend isn’t around. Then don’t talk to your best friend when your best friend’s friend is around. If your friend’s friend is mean to you, like, she gossips about you or says mean things right in your face or something, make sure to tell a grown-up RIGHT AWAY. Hope this helped!

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  7. I have a friend, and her name is Walker. We were, like, BFs (Best Friends) and then, one day, at PE, she asked me to eat snack with her. Nothing unusual, right? Uh-huh, BUT there was another person there. And, guess what? They babbled nonstop all through snack about jellybean hotels, going across the world and crazy stuff I didn’t know about like THE DELLS or something, and TOTALLY ignored me, and when I actually got a chance to talk, I got to say this: “I go to Myrtle Beach every other year and—-” on they went about jellybean hotels, going across the world and crazy stuff I didn’t know about like THE DELLS or something again. U-G-H!!! What do I do?

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    • That is SO hard, Rebekah. That’s one of the topics we’re going to talk about in our Friendship Series. For now, know that you’re not wrong; Walker and her new friend were actually being pretty rude. I would talk to your BFF privately and just tell her how you feel. She may not even be aware that she hurt you. And what the Sam Hill is a jelly bean hotel? Is that an actual thing?

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